Stomp the Noisy Neighbour

I need a guide on how not to wrap your hands around someone’s neck then to squeeze until their sorry existence oozes from out of their wriggling, dying corpse.

But hey, I’m not evil or anything. I just can’t stand the ignorant fuckwit upstairs who thinks it’s a grand idea, at one o’clock in the morning, to stomp, bang, clang, and scrape his way around like a bloody backwards elephant, then to do the same all over again at half-seven a few hours later.

This brings me to two things I loathe very much:

discourtesy
and
disrespect

Why is it so difficult for people to get out of their own fucking skull in order to consider those around them? Guess what, floppy cock, there’s over 7 billion other people on this planet and we—believe it or not—have thoughts and feelings just like you!

That includes feelings of abhorrence and thoughts of fixing them via your face, just in-case you were curious and perhaps particularly interested in self-preservation.

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Independent Living #5

Have a bad dream? Too damn bad. You’re alone now. Oh, what’s that, you don’t feel well? Tough titties. Granted, this isn’t so much about independence as it is going solo.

I’ve been depressed lately, which I suppose is to be expected when you disconnect from someone you’ve spent half a year getting very close to. I don’t think it’s just that, either. I’m alone. I never fully appreciated that I’m alone, because I had her, but everything seemed to have changed in a blink of an eye. Now I have to figure this out.

Likely as a coping mechanism, I seem to have taken to my old habit of overdoing the resistance workouts. My neck and shoulders are pretty achy, especially the left of my neck which is very stiff. I put some Deep Heat on it this morning, so hopefully that’ll help.

No pain, no gain, … right?

A bit over 2 years ago, I started really working out again, on a mission to lose weight depression put on, and to gain more muscle mass than I ever did is a young lad. I lost the weight and gained a fair bit of mass for someone who was once such a lanky git. Unfortunately, I realised I had crap form for some of the exercises I was doing, but I realised it too late.

I did something to my neck which essentially makes it uncomfortable and stiff. I think it comes down to inadvertently working muscles probably best left alone. It surely doesn’t help that I have anxiety issues, so I already have a problem there as it is!

It mainly started around the time I got the pullup bar. I would thrust my neck forward as I pulled (or ‘chinned’) myself up, not realising it was damaging my neck each and every time. An amateur mistake. My own stupid fault. You don’t think about these things much when you’re so obsessed with improving your own body.

I’m still endeavoring to lose more body fat as I want to get lean, but I don’t look too bad, at least in my eyes. Sometimes I hate looking at myself, feeling as though I look like crap; weak, ugly, and overweight. Other times I look at myself and think I actually look okay, maybe even pretty good.

How do I keep my bad habits in check, if the only person to prevent them is me?

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Staying Friends

I’ve noticed some people claiming a perfectly-decent friendship with their ex, sometimes even great; I have to wonder what their secret is, or whether they’re just full of crap.

Long after things were said and done with the woman from my first serious relationship, it occurred to me that we didn’t actually belong in each other’s lives anymore. The very same woman who is now married with a young child.

I just felt as though my being in her life was wrong; it was also screwing with my head, bringing up old memories and feelings I didn’t care to have.

Now I’m once again neck-deep into a situation in which I’m friends with an ex; a woman I care about a lot. How do I look past the closeness we once had?

Everything’s different now.

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Auntie Flo

I woke up this morning, reached for my phone, and found myself looking through videos on YouTube, because that’s what any self-respecting person would do in the morning, right?

I happened across a video about periods. A woman in the video stated the guy should “man up” in order to have sex with her while she’s menstruating, regardless of whether he wants to or not. Sure, because not wanting sex with you must mean I’m not enough of a man—I’m not a fucktoy.

Surely y’all can understand why some people have a gripe with some of those so-called feminists when that’s the sort of hypocritical rubbish we have to put up with. I’m truly thankful not all women think this way.

I was ticked off, as were many other viewers, both male and female.

I do wonder why so many guys are weirded out by periods, though. Is it immaturity? Misinformation? Discomfort around blood? Fear the vagina will bite their dick off?

OK, so Auntie Flo is not exactly something I’d care to study at great lengths, but if you were to bring up the topic, I’m not gonna reach for my handy-dandy barf bag.

It’s just nature.

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Decision Making

I truly suck at coming to a decision about something, or do I? With my mind working hard at weighing up every possible odd and end that pops into it, I’m often left in what would seem to be an infinite game of Pong.

Luckily, the to and fro of indecisiveness comes to an end, eventually. Whether that decision is muddied by my OCD and anxiety or not, is absolutely a different matter.

Likely because of my passion for perfection, I try so hard to make the right decision, oh and not just for me! As long as the end-game is just, fair, and honorable, I can sometimes sleep soundly at night.

The urge to do the ‘right’ thing sometimes comes at quite the cost. Maybe I’ve seen too many old-school movies depicting a knight in shining armor the gals keep banging on about.

There’s always a sincere, perfect gentleman with a solid heart and mighty strength who finds a way to be selfless and honorable in any given situation; a man any woman would be proud to stand by. I think to some extent I grew up wanting to be like that. Maybe I just want to be the hero.

Sadly, all I seem to do is repeatedly shoot myself in the foot, so all I can really do is hobble over to a would-be princess and hope she won’t notice my wincing. Oh, what a fine man I’ve become! Eh…

Because I’m so obsessed with being righteous—preferably not in a pretentious, conceited sort of way—I find it so difficult to stick at a decision, especially when that affects somebody else. As a result, I inevitably fuck up. You can’t throw everything up in the air and expect to catch it all. Sometimes you have to let drop, to catch.

Despite my mental health, I wonder if I’d want to change this about myself. I like that I can at least strive to be good; to do the right thing. Sure, I occasionally balls up along the way, but my heart’s in the right place, and that’s what counts, right?

All I can do is hope that the people I hurt in my crusade of nobility can find it in their hearts to forgive me and have faith that what I do (however bizarre it may seem) is for a purpose I find to be good, and not just for me.

Thank you Mental Health and Invisible Illness Resources for sharing this.

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