Christmas is the time to stuff your face full of shite, but what if you’re paranoid how people see you and are obsessed with wanting to look a certain way, to the point at which it prevents you from going out because you’re so ashamed and anxious?
I’m not having a particularly fantastic day. I’m starting to see the damage of all the junk I’ve been eating and it doesn’t feel all that wonderful. To your average bloke, I probably sound like a woman complaining about this crap, but the fact is, there are plenty of guys who freak out about their weight as well; to be more precise, their perceptible percentage of body fat.
I used to be so thin—people would give me comments as to how thin I was. I didn’t have a great deal of muscle back then (not that I’m huge now) but I was thin! If I could only get back to that, somehow, I’d look so, so much better.
I managed to lose quite a lot of weight a while ago, as well as gaining much more muscle mass. As a 6ft male, I went from approximately 220lbs to 168lbs in under a year, and I never stepped one foot into a gym, unless you count my step-mother’s mini-gym. I worked out at home as I almost always have done, and moderated my food intake drastically. I was counting calories and logging my exercise; it was targeted, organised, and focused.
Now I can just about push myself to do a few pullups, pushups, chinups, use my “power-twister” bar, or jump on my exercise bike, but it’s not enough. All I’m doing is maintaining my weight. This is not progress—I’m stuck.
I’ve lost a big chunk of willpower, again, and it’s eating away at me. I even stopped going on those long walks that went on from an hour to almost 6 hours, through towns and villages, up and down hills; they were absolutely fantastic for me.
At some point I’m going to meet this incredible woman I’ve rambled on about lately—yes, she’s someone I’ve unfortunately so far only met on the line—I also want to look and feel good for her. I want to encourage and support her; share with her some of the strength, purpose, and optimism I’ve felt, but how can I do that properly if I’m being a moany hypocrite?
I have plenty enough knowledge and experience so I know what to do, I’m just struggling to bring myself to do it.