Keeping a Diary for Hindsight

Since I was a kid, actually, since I was about 10 years old, I, for some obscure reason, got into keeping a diary. I’ve never been especially consistent for particularly impressive lengths of time, but I do have a great many diary entries. I sadly lost so many very important ones during my teens, thanks to losing data, and most of my diary entries are and have been stored on computers.

As I grew older, I learned to look back a lot, which probably became a serious fault, as I struggle with change, on a very deep level that I can’t really explain; it confuses me. I look back and see pictures of my dad younger, for example, and it freaks me right out! I don’t know why. It’s like part of me is lagging behind and is forever trying to catch up, whereas the adult is beckoning this mysterious part of me to hurry the balls up.

Don’t get me wrong, I change my computer hardware, I change my clothes, I occasionally and hatefully switch up my routine, but those changes that affect me emotionally and mentally? Friends, parents, and past relationships? Changes of these sorts affect me a lot.

There’s something so rewarding and satisfying about looking back and saying “You know what, I’m a better person now.”

A diary, for better or worse, offers me the chance of hindsight; to take a mental note of how I behaved, learn from my stupid mistakes, and better yet, just outright piss my boxers laughing at how stupid I was. Sometimes I can’t do it, because there are some painful things logged in those entries, which is why it’s usually once every few years when I have a good look through, but when I do, there’s a fantastic opportunity for personal growth.

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3 thoughts on “Keeping a Diary for Hindsight

    1. There she is! Hope you’re OK.
      …and yep, sure is. One of my favorites is to read a rant I made years ago and find out that I was actually waffling a complete load of nonsense. Haha. I’m sure I’ll rip the piss out of the current myself one day, when the future me reads this blog. When you write into your diary, do you talk to someone? Do you talk to yourself? Or do you just write it in a regular way as though you’re just logging events? I’ve always written it as though I were talking to either myself, or someone whom I trust enough to read it; not sure how I got into doing it that way.

      Oh, and I completely neglected to mention in this blog entry that I haven’t added to my diary in a long time, and don’t really bother, but for the simple reason that I essentially use the Internet as one big diary, such as this here blog. If ever there comes a time when I need to just rant and rage about something frustrating or sad, I’ve got my trusty diary that I can use, but otherwise, this blog will do me fine.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. When I was a kid, I wrote like I was talking to someone else. But as I’ve gotten older, I started writing to myself.

        I like blogging because I can combine both, and get feedback from people I don’t know.

        It’s just…nice.

        Like

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