Given the Chance, Would You Start Again?

I’ve sometimes thought quite a bit on this question. I used to wish I could do things again; undo those mistakes; right those wrongs. Now, I’m not convinced starting again is the answer.

I’ve had a good effect on some people’s lives. Hell, even when I’ve negatively affected someone, that may well have had a positive knockback. I’m not sure I want to undo the good I’ve done. I’m not sure I want to undo any possible good done as a result of my actions.

Yes, life has been difficult, yes, I’ve made mistakes, and yes, I’ve many regrets, but, I’ve also learned a lot, had positive effects on a number of people, and so, as a result, I think that I would not want to do it again. I believe, actually, for my to take such a chance would perhaps be selfish.

Had things been done differently, I may not have gotten to know my father so well. I may not have such an awesome best-friend of whom I’ve known for 7 or 8 years. If things were done differently, I wouldn’t have made the mistakes that strengthened me and taught me valuable lessons in life, those lessons of which will prepare me for the upcoming struggles I will invariably face. Had things not reached this point, I would likely not be a guitarist, and a relatively decent one at that. I would not be enthusiastic and passionate about the German language, and therefore would not have connected with many German people, learning things about their culture, and appreciating how they feel about certain subjects.

The next time you wish to start again, consider this: it’s not just your life. For better or worse, we are in this together, and, believe it or not, the actions to which we commit and the words we express can truly matter.

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Fallout 4 is Soon to Arrive!

Set to release on November the 10th, this year, Fallout 4 is quite probably going to blow the minds of many gamers. I’ve just finished watching yet another video of a presentation by Todd Howard, Bethesda’s director, designer, and producer.

Firstly, I realise many are let down by the graphics; fair enough, they’re not as fancy as a lot of other games due out this year and next, or even perhaps those of which we’ve already seen, but, the graphics are still good, at times being rather excellent, at least in my opinion. More importantly, the gameplay looks to hugely over-shadow any let-down of graphics.

Fallout 4 will apparently have mod support akin to Skyrim; tied to this is the ability to have an alternative save game for the modded version of the game, so as a result, if something goes awry, your main save file won’t be useless. It sounds as though the game will technically be able to take assets from other games, but it would be illegal; if anything, this shows just how customisable and deep the game will potentially be. IGN quotes Howard stating that generally, “if someone is using assets from another game” they have to say “no, you can’t do that,” which is understandable, legally.

Regarding the graphics of Fallout 4, keep in mind that mods will likely allow for improved graphics. Skyrim doesn’t exactly look all that fantastic, at least now, but give it a few mods and it can look substantially better. I imagine in-game settings may allow for some pretty tweaks for those with a beefy rig. My biggest concern for the game is performance, followed by bugs. I do not want to play a game that has horrible optimisation—essentially, bad performance, so this use of graphics gives me some hope that they haven’t thrown every new technology at the game, resulting in snail-like FPS.

I’m excited for the new Pip-Boy—the in-game version, not the real-life, “second-screen experience” version they’re releasing with the Collector’s Edition of Fallout 4—which really adds to immersion. Even just adding a clearly visible hand onto the Pip-Boy and making the Pip-Boy more animated results in a less traditional menu feel and more of a screen within the game world feel.

The building addition to Fallout 4 looks to be a blast. I love the premise of building up a town in which NPCs live, from just rubble and junk found within the wasteland. Todd states that, “we’re allowing your character, while playing, to rebuild,” which I think is a pretty sexy concept, made even more intriguing by the visuals and fluidity of the experience shown at E3. I would like to see a cleaner looking town built up from scrap—not something that looks too recycled, like Megaton from Fallout 3, but something that looks closer to what it did before things went boom.

There’s a few mentions of “dynamic” during Todd’s presentation. Repetition—a typical tactic of a speech, which tells us that Bethesda, or Todd himself, wants to make it clear that the game will be more dynamic than its predecessors; it’s important. The use of the word dynamic, the emphasis of doing things in real-time, the focus on the Pip-Boy’s more natural, animated feel really leads me to believe Bethesda has put ample attention to the feel of the game, and the ability to feel immersed into the experience—Bethesda wants you to feel connected to the game’s world and quite probably the characters, which may lead into a potentially more in-depth storyline.

I’ll keep watching as we near the release date, and especially thereafter. I’ll be looking for bugs, performance issues, and general gameplay concerns, but in particular, I’m just quite excited to see what Bethesda have conjured up!

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So, I moved out, … again.

A big time in a person’s life is when they leave home, setting out to fend for themselves. Late to the party, due to personal issues, I finally made that step forward that had held me back for so many years. Unfortunately, it didn’t go so well.

Remember my rant about the “audacious idiot” with whom I previously lived? Well, I finally lost my temper with him, resulting in an, uh … ‘altercation’. I couldn’t go back after that— a line was crossed and there was no going back from it. The police were involved, but no charges were pressed, although I can’t help but to wonder whether I should’ve charged him for being a rather large pisspot. I’m not a particularly violent person—OK, that’s probably what all the psychopaths say prior to stabbing someone—but, like everyone, I do eventually snap. I mainly reacted in such a way as to put distance between each other, and to shut him the hell up. I don’t really tend to outright attack people even at the highest snap-point. I can’t describe just how frustrating he is; I couldn’t do it justice, so you’ll have to take my word for it.

Now I have a new place to call home, and my Internet just got activated today! So, here I am, telling you what I can get away with sharing—to quote Harold Finch: “I’m a very private person” Granted, I’m here telling you about my private business, but that’s just splitting hairs.

My flatmate so far seems to be a star. I’m actually finding it difficult to adjust to how respectful, kind, thoughtful, and understanding he is. I don’t feel like talking to him is some almighty alpha-male bullshit; a minefield to be traversed, which is exactly how I felt with the other flatmate—I always felt as though the other one was trying to manipulate, control, and intimidate me.

So, what have I been doing meantime? Well, working out, watching programmes, and occasionally going to the shops. Since I couldn’t go back to that other ‘home’, I had to sleep elsewhere until things were sorted. I stayed with a friend for a couple of days, then went back to my dad’s house and ended up staying there for a little over a month, initially sleeping on the livingroom floor and later got upgraded to my old bedroom floor; wasn’t wonderful, but definitely could’ve been worse. Frankly, I was lucky to have my folks there for me. I was able to help them out plenty with cleaning, the shopping, and when their house got redecorated, plus I sparked them some cash for their car, so at least I still had a sence of responsibility. I was quite worried I’d end up stuck there again, ending up right back at square one, but thankfully the people who’re helping me get sorted with my own place did a fine job of picking up the pieces.

I very much enjoyed having easy access to my step-mother’s gym, but alas, all good things must come to an end. I’ll have to get used to my equipment again, not to say I have crap gear—I’ve got some very good stuff—but I really like the multigym and the weird ‘cross-trainer’ bike, I think it’s called.

A new chapter to my journey. I’ll have to just wait and see as to where I go from here.

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